I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Drunk is not a location!
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
