Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
