I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
When did angry sex become our thing?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize