just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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