After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
