I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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