is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
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