she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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