I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
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I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
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At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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