Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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