Whod you bang
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
