He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
