just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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