dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
