I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
