dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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