Your tits are I can't wait for
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
