he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
