Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
