so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
