Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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