you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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