if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
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