I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
