i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
