i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
