to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
