Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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