he shaved USA in his pubs
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize