I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
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