Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
