he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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