Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
