She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
