I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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