he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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