i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
