Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I'm passing your future prison.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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