Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Randomize
