bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
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