idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
