she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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This is classic penis vs brain.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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