He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
