very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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