those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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