Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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