If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I smell like Dick and happiness
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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