I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
