happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
