I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
im holly from the hills drunk
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Randomize
