All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
