wrigley field is MILF paradise
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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