Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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