one might say we're banned from that church
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
