Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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