Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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