Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
