Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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