bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
